Some of us have problems when it comes to being in control, we simply have the urge to control all aspects of life for those around us and this can lead to many problems. There are many negative effects that come with the compulsive need to fix everyone’s problems and they can have a severe effect on your life in general. So what is the need to be in control or to fix? In addition, what are the negative effects. And how can you help yourself to give up the need to be in control.
You could be said to have issues of needing to be in control if any of the following apply to you or someone you know.
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You compulsively go to someone’s rescue, regardless of whether they ask for your help or not, just because you believe it is the way the task or situation should be dealt with.
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The feeling that other people are in need becomes an automatic response to you.
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You strongly believe that things have to be perfect or just right for people; otherwise, they cannot possibly be happy in life.
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You feel you have to change people because you cannot accept them as they are
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You strongly believe that you know what is best for others and try your best to make them see things your way.
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You accept personal responsibility for the actions of others.
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You cannot help but give advice to others or offer your help to them.
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People see you as interfering in their lives.
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You have a strong need to feel wanted or needed which leads to you becoming overly involved in the business of others.
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Things don’t feel right if you are not helping others or fixing their problems.
The most common negative effects that compulsive behaviour such as this can have on a person includes
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You develop relationships where people become overly dependant on you
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You cannot remain emotionally uninvolved if you come across someone you see as needing your help.
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You lose friendships due to you needing to be in control over their lives.
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You begin to neglect your own needs in favour of dealing with others around you.
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You are ridden with guilt if things don’t improve for a person.
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You might become angry with those you have helped if they don’t show enough recognition for what you have done.
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You develop low self-esteem through losing yourself with others.
Ways which you can develop to overcome the need to be in control are
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Have the belief that others have the ability to fix their own problems.
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Set up a boundary between those you think need your help.
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Don’t get hooked on needing recognition from others.
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Accept that the only person you should control is yourself.
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Tell people to confront you if you try to give them unwanted help or advice.
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Realize that people have the ability to change themselves if they should want to.
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Only offer help to those who clearly ask for it.
Tags: self esteem
Intimidation can happen everywhere, in all walks of life and can occur in any age group. Being intimidated by someone is a form of being bullied, it happens in school, the workplace by co-workers or the boss, when shopping and in many other situations.
Some people are not even aware that they are being intimidated, while for it others it can make their life a misery day in and day out with them suffering intimidation on a regular basis. You might even be the one who is intimidating others.
People who are constantly intimidated go through many feelings, but there are many steps that you can take to help eliminate intimidation. In order to be able to deal successfully with intimidation you first have to understand what intimidation really is, it can come in many disguises.
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Using force to get what you want from others
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Threatening to or using power and control to get others to do what you want
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Getting others to believe they are more powerful than you
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Using size or strength to get others to do what you want or threaten them
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Holding punishments over their head such as being fired, spanking or divorce
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Being quick tempered, angry or getting into a rage with someone to get them to do what you want
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Behaving in a manner that has others frightened to step up to you
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Using your wealth to get others to do what you want
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Using racial or sexual slurs towards others
There are many steps you can take to stop allowing others to intimidate you, the first step you should take is to look at yourself and determine if your irrational, unhealthy way of thinking has allowed yourself to become intimidated by others. If you think this might have been the case then you should take steps towards
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Identify new healthier ways of thinking to help you overcome and respond to the intimidating factors
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Display your new ways of thinking and acting to those who are intimidating you, this will show them that you are no longer willing to be intimidated by them
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Develop ways of dealing with people in case they respond negatively to the new you
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See the consequences of your new assertive behavior
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Stick to your guns and accept whatever the consequences are of your new behavior
The next step to take once you have developed a strategy for dealing with those who intimidate you is to develop ways to reinforce your beliefs in the new you. The easiest way is to use daily affirmations or positive self-talk. Examples of positive self-talk include.
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I am a good person, who is worthy and deserves to be treat with respect
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I will not put anyone in a superhuman position over me
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I will take my life back under my control from any who tries to intimidate me in the future
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I will not allow others to intimidate me
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There is no one out there who can intimidate me.
Commitment makes life a lot easier to deal with, by making a decision and sticking to it no matter what and staying committed without letting unwanted thoughts drift into your mind you are able to deal with any obstacle in your way. Inner conflicts lead us nowhere but to indecisiveness and are an open invitation to stress and losing confidence in ourselves.
While we all have them at sometime or another it is important that we know how to deal with them and resolve them and move forward with a positive attitude again, by resolving inner conflicts you are able to vastly improve your self-esteem, allow yourself to be more focused, and feel less stressed, listen to your inner voice and guide yourself when it comes to making choices and decisions, be in total control over your life, manage and achieve goals that you have set out in life, and create a healthier more relaxing and happier future.
Inner conflicts play havoc with our emotions and they lead to low self-esteem, low self-confidence and depression. With this in mind, it is essential to banish inner conflicts when they arise and don’t let them start taking over. Inner conflict can develop in different ways it may stem from indecisiveness or deep-seated feelings stemming from unresolved issues in your life, they could even stem back from things that happened in your childhood. After all the person you are now is the result of what has happened throughout your life, instead of dealing with the unresolved issues you perhaps built up a wall and kept them in rather than facing them and dealing with them. It is essential that you break down the wall and bring these out into the open and deal with them now, overcoming unresolved issues and inner conflicts relies on:
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Letting go of the past and beliefs from the past including letting go of old habits and emotions, discovering the true inner you and listening to the inner you
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Realize that you are capable of helping yourself and becoming the person you truly are
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Learning to become focused and centered on yourself, realizing what stresses you and why
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Making yourself let go of the feelings and thoughts you harbor relating from past issues
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Visualizing the new you, the more confident and decisive you until it becomes a reality
There are many courses, self-help books, DVDS and audio CDS which can help you to overcome past unresolved issues and so overcome and deal with inner conflicts. However there is no magical cure and it will take time to resolve these issues and start seeing a better way of dealing with and coping with life. While some of us change merely by using self-help methods others get more benefit from attending meeting groups of seeing a therapist in the early stages. It is important to realize however that you can change and only you can do it, whichever method you choose to take to get you there. It all basically comes down to the same thing, changing your feelings and thoughts.
Tags: depression, self confidence, self esteem
